I Can't Get That Day Out Of My Head....

I was suppose to be a good day, got up real early that day to go with jeremy to pick up Micky. We were only there for about an hour, Seeing all of those pups was so exciting, making me think about giz, ( love you giz) always will,

Caming home in the car Jeremy so happy and the pup and him fitting together so good, He could not wait to get home to show his gramp his new dog,

got home and we walked to the house, walked through the door, looking around, Jen walking out of the living room all teary eyed, Donna yelling from the bathroom, "Diane come here" looking into the kitchen, thinking where is dad, yelling were is my dad, Jen Hugging me, me pulling away, yelling where is my dad, my mom standing in the kitchen, saying he is gone, saying no he's not, Donna coming out of the bathroom and grabbing me, pushing her away, running to my dads room, seeing him laying in bed, going over sitting next to him and laying on his chest, telling him no dad no i am not ready for this i need you, please wake up dad, looking at him could hardly see through the tear, (much like right now) but could see the purple on his ears cheeks neck, wanting so badly to wake up from that dream, laying on my dad for a long time crying and talking to him, then the police walked in and they pried me away from him, standing in the kitchen in come the ambulance people, remember trying to get back in there and could not get past the door, remember being so mad when they put their hands on him, then when they started CPR, screaming leave him alone, leave him alone, cop taking me away from the door, walking over and pounding the kitchen counter, breaking my hand, the cop telling the ambulance people to leave him alone, and stop CPR,

to this day still remembering in detail that day that was suppose to be a happy day, Jeremy going to the trailer and totally removing a wall by punching it, and kicking it, I was mad but understood cause i wanted to do the same thing, so i could not be mad at jeremy for doing it, Mic was so scared in a corner shaking, the poor pup had no idea this happy day was not like it was suppose to be, the days to come were just a blur to me, just knew i wanted my dad back, or wanted to be with him,

at that point sitting there remembering the day he want to the doctors, and got that friggin C word pinned to him, bowel he said, him telling me he has not told mom, i told him he had to, but him saying no he did not want anyone else to know, remembering saying to him why are you telling me,

remember telling him dad don't you dare die on me i am not ready for that, not now, him telling me i was one of the strongest people he knows, and him telling me everyone has to go sometime, we spent the afternoon together that day just driving and talking and everytime i tear would show he would tell me there will be none of that,

Dad was my best friend, we use to talk about everything, I MISS HAVING THAT, these days i just keep everything insdie again like i use to when i was a kid, the hurting things and sad things, I guess that is why everyone always said i was the rock of the family, cause i never let things out i just barried them deep inside, there was only 2 people in the world that knew what was inside of me really, Bonnie and my dad, or sure i talk but these days NOONE knows what is deep inside me again, why talk about it, it don't matter. my dad is where i got the saying that this earth is hell and where you are going will be a better place, he also believed that this earth was hell,

I sure could use one of those talks we use to have right now dad, cause these days are not being easy,

Miss you and Love you Dad!

Sunday November 22 2009

It sunday, that means work tomorrow ewwwwww, but the good thing is it is going to be a short week, :) monday and tuesday only :) :) wednesday i will be doing a lot of my cooking, there will be 11 here for thanksgiving, Stan is coming i am excited about that :) he still remains calling me daily, and on weekends he calls me 3 to 4 times a day, yesterday he called 6 times, and this morning he started calling at 6 am hmmmmmmmmmm,

I still remain having problems with the pellet stove, Stan was lucky he fixed his and has not had anymore issues, but if he had not been home when it started acting up the house would had burnt down he said, he said he was scared, hmmmm,

Friday i have to go start round 3 of all the Bs with my boob, the doctor found 2 lumps this time, I knew about 1 of them,the one on the bottom next to were i had my first surgery, the other one is on the only part that has not been sliced or dised yet, it is alot more painful this time, strange but i am hoping that is a good thing, maybe it is just cyst, one can hope, if not it is going to be removed totally this time if i have to go to the butcher shop and find me a butcher :)
It is strange but i am very relaxed, calm mellow about all this now, strange what ya can actually make peice with,
well guess it is bed for me :)

Tuesday Nov 10 2009 9:53 pm

WOW i feel like shit!!! but atleast now i know some of why i hurt so bad,

SWINE FLU!!

went to the doctors this afternoon, since i am hurting aching so bad in some pretty strange places, even my finger nails hurt, well i went to the doctors today, they put me on tamiflu and andamox tr - k clv, they are worried about the not having a spleen, and having ashma, and my resent health, since this is a bactaral infection, fell on my butt today got so dizzy, my balance has not been right for a while,

chic i am not trying to be a hero believe me, i wish i could take the meds,

but i puk enough without them. I LOVE YOU, hope things are getting straightened out now,

off to bed for me

Saturday Nov.7th 8:56 pm

It has been a long week, and unfortunantly i do not see things getting any easier for a while!

the light at the end of the tunnel that i thought i could see a little bit, is back to the dream

at the end of the tunnel, Is there really a such thing as that light? and just what is the tunnel? I have to wonder!

alone in this battle i guess is the way i need to be,

they say what does not kill us makes us stronger, but to be honest i can't even say it is making me stronger, atleast not in the way i need to be stronger, actually it seems i get weaker instead of stronger, this last week the pain has been kinda unbarible but somehow i keep on pushing through, refusing to take the meds cause i not only get sick from them but also want them to work when i need them worse, i got oncology in a few days see what happens there,

donkeys have been kicking me in the chest a last few days it feels kinda strange, can also feel it in my pulse and kinda takes my breath away for a second,

can't get comfortable the pain in my back and spine is going to drive me coo,

YOU JUST NEVER KNOW

This lie became a part of me,

for months i've played along

acting like it doesn't hurt!

each time it just get worse,

Ignoring the hurt i have inside,

Thinking i'll just go on,

but last night

for the first time

it got right to my heart!

when suddenly it hit me,

as the tears began to flow

that even after all this time

YOU JUST NEVER KNOW!

OCT 30, 2009 4:45 pm

Is this going to be the 3rd time for me?? I can't believe after all this time i am going to be facing my third time with all this BS, It is getting really hard to just grin and bare it any more, I have to wonder more and more, (WHAT THE HELL) what did i ever do to get all this BS dumped on me, why is all this happening again and again, one thing right after another, maybe it is just the way life is suppose to be, maybe i did something in a different time and place that deserves all this BS, well like the video said i guess i can try to find the good things about all this and maybe it is suppose to be, i just can't help wondering what all this is suppose to be telling me, maybe it is like the video said maybe this is the way i am suppose to get a new shape and i new body????

I feel like things in my life are getting further and further away, out of reach,
this person i see looking back at me is not really me, I feel like the real me is tucked away in like a egg shell and the real me just can not crack through that shell and get out, head aches more and more and getting worse and worse, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHY!! also hazzy cloudy zig zag dark lines that cloud my eyes more and more, confustion, daised feeling, and forgetfulness, "CRS"
worse then i have ever had it, all this getting so bad i do not even remember how to do what use to be real simple for me, fixing computers for instance,
all this is driving me a bit coo coo, i know i know some of you would say i have always been coo coo, all i have to say about that is BITE ME! :)
i feel alot like i am going deeper and deeper into my own little world, or maybe i should say a scarey place in a unknown world,

Sunday OCT 25,2009 11:16 am

Yesterday was such a good day, in the was of up lifting, my sweetheart took me to see my brother (in which i miss so very much) i knew i missed him but had no idea how much until seeing him, and he was so happy to see us too,

This family that use to be so big and so close is now so little, and everyone being so far apart is really not that close anymore either, that makes me so sad, words can not even tell you how sad and empty it makes me feel, I am not the only one that feels this way as Jeremy also is saying that alot, this time of the year with the holidays use to be a happy time, now i hate to see them coming,

and jeremy does also, he has said so many times in the last couple weeks that we should just skip all the holidays this year and for now on, cause like me he misses the people, i told him last night that Stan is coming for thanksgiving and he got so excited i seen that happy light in his eyes, and it just started the tears rolling down my face, Stan getting up there in age is starting to show it,

he is talking about retiring, and i am going to do everything i can to get him to come back here when he retires, he too is missing the family as he says so all the time, besides telling me how lonely he is, he has been my life saver for close to 2 years now, Stan and i have always been close even when i was a kid, I need him in my life and not so far away, he calls me every day and we talk and sometimes before we know it 2 or 3 hours have gone by and we are still talking,

ya never know how much you miss and need your family until they are gone,

wednesday oct, 14, 921 pm

feeling kinda yucky today, think my pain has pain, NOT FUN!!

trying new pain meds, Doc want hoping they would work without making me sick, well my did a job on my tummy, but i may as well of drank a glass of water cause it would of helped the pain as much as they did,

all they managed to do is upset my tummy, and this is gross but i am burping uncontrolable, and OMG it is like farting out of ya mouth, YUCK!!!

doctor called me this afternoon, he says he has a bunch of test he wants to do,

he also talked to my lung doctor and the lung Dr has a bunch of test he wants him to do sooooooooo guess i am back to test land, i have to see him tomorrow,

i wish walmart sold new bodies, i would for sure be getting one,

I told my boss yesterday i wish they could put people to sleep like they do animals, i would be saying hit me, now that is sad, i am sick and tired of being sick and tired and in pain, and now being out of work for a month now and still out until further notice says doctor, what kind of life is this? i will tell ya

A SUCKY ONE!!

to see my son always so upset and the first thing he does in the morning when he gets up is check on me, and the first thing he does when he gets home from work or if he should go out the first thing he does is come check on me and calls me a bunch of times aday to make sure i am ok, it is ripping my heart out,

he stands in my door way or sits on the bottom of my bed and stairs at me all the time, i think he has hugged me more then he ever has in his whole life and if you know jeremy you know he does not do that.... I even find Jim staring at me, i do not know why he puts up with all this crap i am going through and have asked him many times... i am hoping for answers tomorrow and to get what ever this is fixed, all of it everything , i just do not know how much more i can handle of this, and told my doctor he better get a rubber room ready cause this is going to drive me crazy,... this doctor is awesome, and he is trying so hard to get to the bottom of all this, how oftened does a doctor, and i mean (the doctor) not his office staff actually call anyone their self any more, well this doctor does and he not only calls to give me results he calls to see how i am doing and how i am feeling, i got so upset in his office on tuesday and he was great, i told him people are going to think i am nuts, he said NO your totally no nuts, and he said he can tell when someone is seeking drugs or making things up and he can tell when something is real worng and he said he knows there is something really wrong, he said he is actually worried because of all the things that are pointing to not so good things,,, including my BP going totally crazy, one minute it is really high then a minute later it is low then it goes right back up real high, and my pulse is running between 90 and 130, he says that alone tells him that something is totally wrong, he said it is just finding it that is the hard part,

anyway hopefully tomorrow there will be some answers,

HELL NO I WON'T GO!! monday oct 12,2009, 3:00pm

The doctor called and i told him that i still feel like crap, and about all the sweating and out of breath and pain, he wanted me to head to the ER, I told him NO i am done with that and all set there, not going back there, it does no good, he said he is worried and does not like what i am telling him, hmmmmmmm (he doesn't like it)? in all fairness this doctor is awesome and i am new to him, because the other doctor i had (in the same office) SUCKED did not listen to a thing, but anyway he thinks he doesn't like it?? if he does not like to hear it how does he or anyone else think i feel,

i am really thinking about going to boston and see what they have to say,

Sunday Oct 11, 2009 10 pm

Been a while since i have put anything in here,

been a longggg month, and still feeling like shit,

so many thing the doctors find not even sure what to blame all this on anymore,

just know i feel worse then i have in a very long time,

I am hoping for some answers on thursday or before,

my doctor does not want me to return to work, and i really do not feel like it but think i am going to try my old ways for a while and ignore the hurting things and all that is making me feel so damn shitty and push through it like i use to,

it can only do 1 of 2 things, either i will get through it or it will put me flat on my butt again, not that i am really been off my back for a while now,

try to do anything and have to lay down or a while, NOT THE LIFE I WANT,

as matter of fact hate it, see what my doctor says about the results of talking to my lung doctor,

I have NEVER been a person to lay down during the day time not even as a kid,

now i can not seem to stay up, i really hate it, and really hate feeling this way something has to give,

Wednesday 23, 2009, 109 pm

Longing for the day when i actually feel human again, went to doctor yesterday cause was in so much pain, she took 100 cc's of fluid from my breast, but somehow she knew that was not causing all the pain i am in, she listened to my lungs and she said she can not hear any breath sounds in my right lung, so she sent me to the hospital for xrays, sure enough the pain i am in was not only from my breat, i have pnuemonia, and she said its not good, so i have to go back friday to see her again and have to go monday too, and seeing my lung doctor tomorrow, tomorrow morning WTF i have had enough already..... went to boston with Jim to make sure he actaully went and make sure nothing has changed or got worse, good news there
his PSA was good he has to go back in 6 months :) mean while i am in so much pain i REALLY can't stand it, I have to have another xray in a week cause they are not sure that the pnuemonia is going to clear because of the mass in my lung, i have actaully forgot what it feels like to feel good, i am out of work now until further notice, i just wish i could breath and wish this pain would go away, am wondering if the killer machine did this (killer machine= cpap)
I am really tired and really sick of playinng this game, it does not seem like there is a end to it,
Jim said i look bad, and stacy said as long as she has known me she has never seem me look so bad, it is hard to tell anyone how i actually feel, Jim wanted to talk me to the hospital today instead of going his self but no i want to know he is ok, atleast for now, and now i know he is now i can take care of me, or atleast try to :( i feel so bad right now i would give anything just for this pain to stop!!!

Sunday Sept 20.2009

Its been a while since i have worte in here, Been not feeling well since friday, kinda feel like i have been hit by a car, my chest is hurting, and well my bad boob is bigger then my good boob hmmmmmmmm that can't be good! Have to see Dr friday, might have to go before then, going to have a pet scan, not sure if that is the right spelling but that is what it sounds like lol, it is a scan from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet and it picks up everything, or it is suppose to, even if it is just a swallen joint, i guess i will see, it is a 3 to 4 hour scan, now don't that sound like fun? Not! i have NO energy at all today i have been pushing myself and pushing myself to do things today, and that probably is not helping, oh well such is life,

Friday, September 4,2009

It's been a week and a day since my last surgry, In which i had 2 areas, the margens came back clear, so i guess that is a good thing, now fighting a infection and fluid building up, had under my arm drained today, now that was fun, NOT ! then was wrapped like a mommy in a ace bandage real tight it is suppose to keep the fluid out of there, but i was not able to keep it on it hurt to much, and another change of antibiotics now i am on 2, as for the boob well it is draining itself about everyother day YUCK!!

i will be going back on wednesday and i am sure from what she said today she will be draining more then, and another tight wrap to keep the fluid out,

I will try hard to leave that one in place for 3 days,

and also there may have to be IV antibiotics if this infection has not improved, time will tell,

Wednesday 26 2009, 9:30 pm surgry tomorrow

Went to see surgeon today @4 as i knew she was going to say i need surgery again, BIG SURPRISE, NOT!

only it is not the same this time, instead of

ductal carcinoma like last time this time it is

atypical intraductal hyperplasia

all these big words,

what does all this mean? well all leads to same thing

breast cancer, so tomorrow once again i am having surgery,

followed by MRI's every 3 months then every 6 months for 8 years,

am extra upset about this surgery tomorrow because it screwed up my plans

I had a interview tomorrow at the power plant that i now can not go to :( :( :(

August 21, byopsi results

I got the results of my biopsy's yesterday friday the 21st,

I didn;t need to have them done as i already knew what the results were going to be,

in less then a year the cancer is back or never gone, not much of a surprise to me,

I have been telling the doctor for months now i am in pain again,

i knew it was there,

the only way to have a fighting chance with this thing is to have both breast removed,

or i know this night mare is just going to keep on going and going,

so i see the surgeon on wednesday, when she is by no doubt going to tell me she has to remove another PART of my breast, only this time she is going to get NO, she is going to remove it all and all of the other one as well or i will find someone who will!!!!

this coming monday i have another fun filled day going for me,

having another cat scan on my lungs to see if that has grown and if so how much,

all this excitement is almost more then i can handle,

I was told tonight to stop thinking about it, maybe i am numb or something but how do ya stop thinking about something that is all but taking over your life???

and how do you stop thinking about when these surgeries happen how am i going to pay my bills??

If anyone has answers to that please let me know cause i do not see how its going to happen,

and here i am looking at a new car, YEAH RIGHT i may as well forget about that cause its not happening, if i am not working would be a little impossible to pay a car payment or insurance payments let alone lights, heat, food, cable, any or that,

i guess this is one of those times when it seems no matter what corner i turn there is a brick wall there that i run right into, to high to climb over and to wide to get around,

lately i have been thinking about finding a support group just to have someone to talk to that truly understands, understands the feeling you have inside, understands the pain you are in EVERY day every minute of everyday, someone that understands the lack of energy you have,

cause noone truly understands that now,

I know i am facing surgery maybe more then one, no definitely more then one there will be 2 just for my breast,

then another possible one for my lungs,

i really see no light at the end of this tunnel at this time, and people just do not understand that,

sometimes i think it would just be easier if i ignored the whole bunch of crap,

the feeling like i am going to crack up is bad,

friggin doctor why didn't she just take them off in the first place like i told her to, a damn year ago!!

not thinking about it does not work for me, i have a constant reminder in the pain i am in all day every day, although i try to hide it, it is becoming more and more impossible to do!!

damn i wish dad or bonnie were here,

Round 2, wednesday 12, 2009 7:00 am

Spent the night in the hospital last night, didn't sleep much,

what they want me to do not sure i can do, but will give it a try!

yesterday afternoon I got the results of my MRI that i had done, cancer is back,

(or never gone) it has been 1 year since the last round of BS and here i am again, or should say still!!!

I will be having a mass this time probably a double, because i am not going for the third round,

At this point am pretty discouraged, as i knew that was going to be the results,

ever just had that gut feeling? mine is usually right,

i also have another gut feeling about the cat scan i am going to have on my lungs,

I am kinda feeling at this point not to good, my outlook is getting dimmer and dimmer,

I see NO light at the end of this tunnel,

today is one of those days when i say is it all worth it, will i win in the long run,

questions i often find myself thinking about lately,

i kinda keep most feelings in these days and feel them eating my insides,

It is getting harder and harder to think of any kind of a future because these days i am not sure what kind of a future is in store for me,

I am finding my self sitting here right now just wanting to leave walk away and enjoy some time while i can,

simple things in life now my eyes see, the colors outside, the trees the birds, sounds, rain drops falling on my face, the smell of the air, simple things in life that we all take for granted,

sounds of bird singing, the clouds in the sky, the sunshine in my eyes, all these things that most often taken for granted!

TOMORROW

In your darkest hour,

In your deepest despair

We do still care,

She will be there!!!

Through all your doubts and frustrations,

In your violence and your turbulence,

Through all your fear

and all your confusion,

In your anguish and your pain,

through your joy and sorrow

In the promise of brighter tomorrows

we will never let you down!

For you are always in our hearts!

______________________________________________________________

Hang in there girl, those brighter days WILL come, Just remember YOU control you,

or buy a cast iron fry pan LOL,

Struggle monday august 10th 2009, 3:27 pm

Today it is really hard to breath, I feel like i am trying to breath under water,

it is zapping all my energy, feeling real sleepy, just want to lay down,

but am going to keep moving,

the water here has been off all day so the town can hook up the new houses

it just came on a little while ago and even after running it for 10 minutes it is still black and muddy, mmmmmmmmmmm think i want a drink of that :)

really not much to write things have been kinda slow for once,

still have not got my MRI results, who says Doctors are allowed to go on vacation anyway lol,

tomorrow night back to the sleep clinic for another night of fun lol,

friday leaving to see my chicy that i miss so much, can't wait

Thursday August 6th, 10:38 am

I got it chicy :)

Have not wrote anything here for the last few days,

Yesterdays over night test, did not go so good, my o2 level drops way low while i am sleeping, in low 80's, had to have o2, which really does not surprise me since i have been so short of breath this week, real bad,

I just added a video to my site, i heard this song on the radio yesterday while i spent the day in concord, and balled my eyes out like a baby LOL so had to enter it to my blog, I guess the people that know me know i love angels anyway.

i need to get my collection out and put them up...

seeing my lung doctor sooner then i was suppose to

cat scan sooner also, because after he got all the blood results back and went over the cat scan i already had with the radiologist they did not like the results,

my blood does not mix right with my o2 or should of said that the other way around, had a cat scan already set up for sept 1st, but he wants it sooner,

so now i am having it on the 20th,

Still have not got my results of breast MRI i had on friday, my doctor has not got report yet as the radiologist is on vacation, so i went to hospital to pick it up they gave me the CD but said they can not give me the report until a doctor sits down and talks to me about it, Sigh, i hate hurry up and wait!!!

today i have a really strange peaceful feeling,

8days left before i see my chicy,

I know tears will fly that day LOL

damn where did all these years go? yesterday i was 20 not a care in the world,

today well ya know i am 28 :)and so many things going on in life,

Still wanting to dance, i find my self thinking about that all the time,

kinda want to be a little wild these days, before the time comes i can't. sad but true, no one in their 40's should be thinking those thought but when faced with so many things in the last year i guess i do not know where life will be heading in another year from now or even sadder to say what kind of shape i will be in, and well i will not finish the rest cause that would just make me and many other people upset, as i sit here with tears in my eyes LOL

I think today i will head for the park for a while have not been there for a while and really love to walk around there and think and just take in all the smells of the flowers, and all the colors,

then off to Jims i miss you babe, i love you HUG

Monday August 3, 2009 @ 8:55 pm

The last 2 days breathing has not been good, yesterday worse then today, plus anxiety attacks (where the heck did these come from anyway) have never had them in my life, they started in june and still getting them, i am told it is all the crap i am going through but ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, and these things are driving me nuts, i never really understood when someone would say they were having one until june when it happened to me for the first time, when it is a bad one it kinda could make someone think they were having a heart attack, i do not let them get that bad now as i have meds to calm me down if i feel it starting,

Appointments for this week,

tomorrow night send night in hospital, No biggy and kinda crazy have to have a sleep study, like i said before kinda crazy cause even if they tell me i have to have that machine to sleep knowing me i will not wear it cause it will drive me crazy, but who knows Jim says he knows guys he works with that have them and the guys say they feel sooooooooooo much better since they started using it,

i just do not think it is going to be to easy sleeping with something covering my face hmmmmmmmm,

that is the only appointment this week WOW how did i manage that one lol

Jim is in more and more pain by the day, arm is almost always numb now, it breaks my heart to see him hurting and in pain, i wish they would hurry the hell up, between the 2 of us we are keeping the doctors very busy, NOT GOOD,

:) counting the days until we go to VA, :)

for the first time in a very long time i have actually done something good for my self today, i bought a brand new car, :) well have not got it yet cause the dealership has to make sure the clunker money comes through before i pick it up,

i have said for a long time i would never buy another new car, but the used ones with over 100,000 miles on them are just as much as i am paying for the new one,

the insurance will be the killer,

anyway i still not allowing myself to get to excited until i actually have it here in my yard :)

one thing i will do when i get it is go see my brother cause he has a hard time driving down here cause his knee and ankle are in rough shape, when i go i will surprise him , ofcourse i could get that and the surprise be on me and he won't be home lol i have wanted to get in my car and drive and when i get the new one i will actually dare to lol,

Donna sent me another email tonight, not asking how i am, not even asking whats going on, nothing, like she could give a shit less, i was good though cause i wanted to send her a email and tell her just what i really think of her, and tell her to lose my email address, and to F off, she has proved to me through this last year, that she really could give a damn less if i am dead or alive, and i now feel the same about her, and i just want so much to tell her,

god forbid something happen to me, if it does i have told just about everyone she is not even to be allowed in there, not even for a second, i will tell Jim, jeremy and Jen already know, and i will also tell stan, as i have before, to me if she does not give a damn while i am here she need not even try to come there with her fake tears, they are not wanted or needed, (UNLESS) i can sit up and put my hands around her throat and choke her to death LOL

i am working on more poems so more coming soon,I am going to call and get the results of my MRI tomorrow cause i do not want to wait any longer,hmmmmm wonder if i can call and order them now and get them tomorrow, well lets just see :) there just called to pick those reports and mri's up tomorrow,

these days i like to see with my own 2 little eyeballs just what the test say,

I am still hoping and praying that they will not be as bad as my surgeon thinks they will be, we will see

wish i was with my sweetheart tonight, but i did see him this afternoon cause he went with me to get the car :)

THANK YOU BABE!

I still want to get the disability insurance on it just incase i am out of work then the insurance pays for it until i go back to work

i wasn't born yesterday LOL

cause the way i am going i could be out having more sergry and it would be nice if the car payment was being paid :)

i had that before when i had the first car i ever bought and WOW did that come in handy since i had many surgeries then, well worth the couple hundred ya have to pay for it :)

when i think about work coming up fast it kinda makes me sick, i was hoping after taking the summer totally off i would feel different about the place but seems i hate it more, really think i would be happier in a store, and after the startup meeting i maybe doing just that oh wait not until after the seafood fest lol

if i put the money i got for the seafood fest on my car a BIG chunk of it would be paid for :)