Round 2, wednesday 12, 2009 7:00 am

Spent the night in the hospital last night, didn't sleep much,

what they want me to do not sure i can do, but will give it a try!

yesterday afternoon I got the results of my MRI that i had done, cancer is back,

(or never gone) it has been 1 year since the last round of BS and here i am again, or should say still!!!

I will be having a mass this time probably a double, because i am not going for the third round,

At this point am pretty discouraged, as i knew that was going to be the results,

ever just had that gut feeling? mine is usually right,

i also have another gut feeling about the cat scan i am going to have on my lungs,

I am kinda feeling at this point not to good, my outlook is getting dimmer and dimmer,

I see NO light at the end of this tunnel,

today is one of those days when i say is it all worth it, will i win in the long run,

questions i often find myself thinking about lately,

i kinda keep most feelings in these days and feel them eating my insides,

It is getting harder and harder to think of any kind of a future because these days i am not sure what kind of a future is in store for me,

I am finding my self sitting here right now just wanting to leave walk away and enjoy some time while i can,

simple things in life now my eyes see, the colors outside, the trees the birds, sounds, rain drops falling on my face, the smell of the air, simple things in life that we all take for granted,

sounds of bird singing, the clouds in the sky, the sunshine in my eyes, all these things that most often taken for granted!

TOMORROW

In your darkest hour,

In your deepest despair

We do still care,

She will be there!!!

Through all your doubts and frustrations,

In your violence and your turbulence,

Through all your fear

and all your confusion,

In your anguish and your pain,

through your joy and sorrow

In the promise of brighter tomorrows

we will never let you down!

For you are always in our hearts!

______________________________________________________________

Hang in there girl, those brighter days WILL come, Just remember YOU control you,

or buy a cast iron fry pan LOL,

Struggle monday august 10th 2009, 3:27 pm

Today it is really hard to breath, I feel like i am trying to breath under water,

it is zapping all my energy, feeling real sleepy, just want to lay down,

but am going to keep moving,

the water here has been off all day so the town can hook up the new houses

it just came on a little while ago and even after running it for 10 minutes it is still black and muddy, mmmmmmmmmmm think i want a drink of that :)

really not much to write things have been kinda slow for once,

still have not got my MRI results, who says Doctors are allowed to go on vacation anyway lol,

tomorrow night back to the sleep clinic for another night of fun lol,

friday leaving to see my chicy that i miss so much, can't wait