I was suppose to be a good day, got up real early that day to go with jeremy to pick up Micky. We were only there for about an hour, Seeing all of those pups was so exciting, making me think about giz, ( love you giz) always will,
Caming home in the car Jeremy so happy and the pup and him fitting together so good, He could not wait to get home to show his gramp his new dog,
got home and we walked to the house, walked through the door, looking around, Jen walking out of the living room all teary eyed, Donna yelling from the bathroom, "Diane come here" looking into the kitchen, thinking where is dad, yelling were is my dad, Jen Hugging me, me pulling away, yelling where is my dad, my mom standing in the kitchen, saying he is gone, saying no he's not, Donna coming out of the bathroom and grabbing me, pushing her away, running to my dads room, seeing him laying in bed, going over sitting next to him and laying on his chest, telling him no dad no i am not ready for this i need you, please wake up dad, looking at him could hardly see through the tear, (much like right now) but could see the purple on his ears cheeks neck, wanting so badly to wake up from that dream, laying on my dad for a long time crying and talking to him, then the police walked in and they pried me away from him, standing in the kitchen in come the ambulance people, remember trying to get back in there and could not get past the door, remember being so mad when they put their hands on him, then when they started CPR, screaming leave him alone, leave him alone, cop taking me away from the door, walking over and pounding the kitchen counter, breaking my hand, the cop telling the ambulance people to leave him alone, and stop CPR,
to this day still remembering in detail that day that was suppose to be a happy day, Jeremy going to the trailer and totally removing a wall by punching it, and kicking it, I was mad but understood cause i wanted to do the same thing, so i could not be mad at jeremy for doing it, Mic was so scared in a corner shaking, the poor pup had no idea this happy day was not like it was suppose to be, the days to come were just a blur to me, just knew i wanted my dad back, or wanted to be with him,
at that point sitting there remembering the day he want to the doctors, and got that friggin C word pinned to him, bowel he said, him telling me he has not told mom, i told him he had to, but him saying no he did not want anyone else to know, remembering saying to him why are you telling me,
remember telling him dad don't you dare die on me i am not ready for that, not now, him telling me i was one of the strongest people he knows, and him telling me everyone has to go sometime, we spent the afternoon together that day just driving and talking and everytime i tear would show he would tell me there will be none of that,
Dad was my best friend, we use to talk about everything, I MISS HAVING THAT, these days i just keep everything insdie again like i use to when i was a kid, the hurting things and sad things, I guess that is why everyone always said i was the rock of the family, cause i never let things out i just barried them deep inside, there was only 2 people in the world that knew what was inside of me really, Bonnie and my dad, or sure i talk but these days NOONE knows what is deep inside me again, why talk about it, it don't matter. my dad is where i got the saying that this earth is hell and where you are going will be a better place, he also believed that this earth was hell,
I sure could use one of those talks we use to have right now dad, cause these days are not being easy,
Miss you and Love you Dad!
