The last 2 days breathing has not been good, yesterday worse then today, plus anxiety attacks (where the heck did these come from anyway) have never had them in my life, they started in june and still getting them, i am told it is all the crap i am going through but ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, and these things are driving me nuts, i never really understood when someone would say they were having one until june when it happened to me for the first time, when it is a bad one it kinda could make someone think they were having a heart attack, i do not let them get that bad now as i have meds to calm me down if i feel it starting,
Appointments for this week,
tomorrow night send night in hospital, No biggy and kinda crazy have to have a sleep study, like i said before kinda crazy cause even if they tell me i have to have that machine to sleep knowing me i will not wear it cause it will drive me crazy, but who knows Jim says he knows guys he works with that have them and the guys say they feel sooooooooooo much better since they started using it,
i just do not think it is going to be to easy sleeping with something covering my face hmmmmmmmm,
that is the only appointment this week WOW how did i manage that one lol
Jim is in more and more pain by the day, arm is almost always numb now, it breaks my heart to see him hurting and in pain, i wish they would hurry the hell up, between the 2 of us we are keeping the doctors very busy, NOT GOOD,
:) counting the days until we go to VA, :)
for the first time in a very long time i have actually done something good for my self today, i bought a brand new car, :) well have not got it yet cause the dealership has to make sure the clunker money comes through before i pick it up,
i have said for a long time i would never buy another new car, but the used ones with over 100,000 miles on them are just as much as i am paying for the new one,
the insurance will be the killer,
anyway i still not allowing myself to get to excited until i actually have it here in my yard :)
one thing i will do when i get it is go see my brother cause he has a hard time driving down here cause his knee and ankle are in rough shape, when i go i will surprise him , ofcourse i could get that and the surprise be on me and he won't be home lol i have wanted to get in my car and drive and when i get the new one i will actually dare to lol,
Donna sent me another email tonight, not asking how i am, not even asking whats going on, nothing, like she could give a shit less, i was good though cause i wanted to send her a email and tell her just what i really think of her, and tell her to lose my email address, and to F off, she has proved to me through this last year, that she really could give a damn less if i am dead or alive, and i now feel the same about her, and i just want so much to tell her,
god forbid something happen to me, if it does i have told just about everyone she is not even to be allowed in there, not even for a second, i will tell Jim, jeremy and Jen already know, and i will also tell stan, as i have before, to me if she does not give a damn while i am here she need not even try to come there with her fake tears, they are not wanted or needed, (UNLESS) i can sit up and put my hands around her throat and choke her to death LOL
i am working on more poems so more coming soon,I am going to call and get the results of my MRI tomorrow cause i do not want to wait any longer,hmmmmm wonder if i can call and order them now and get them tomorrow, well lets just see :) there just called to pick those reports and mri's up tomorrow,
these days i like to see with my own 2 little eyeballs just what the test say,
I am still hoping and praying that they will not be as bad as my surgeon thinks they will be, we will see
wish i was with my sweetheart tonight, but i did see him this afternoon cause he went with me to get the car :)
THANK YOU BABE!
I still want to get the disability insurance on it just incase i am out of work then the insurance pays for it until i go back to work
i wasn't born yesterday LOL
cause the way i am going i could be out having more sergry and it would be nice if the car payment was being paid :)
i had that before when i had the first car i ever bought and WOW did that come in handy since i had many surgeries then, well worth the couple hundred ya have to pay for it :)
when i think about work coming up fast it kinda makes me sick, i was hoping after taking the summer totally off i would feel different about the place but seems i hate it more, really think i would be happier in a store, and after the startup meeting i maybe doing just that oh wait not until after the seafood fest lol
if i put the money i got for the seafood fest on my car a BIG chunk of it would be paid for :)
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