Wednesday 23, 2009, 109 pm

Longing for the day when i actually feel human again, went to doctor yesterday cause was in so much pain, she took 100 cc's of fluid from my breast, but somehow she knew that was not causing all the pain i am in, she listened to my lungs and she said she can not hear any breath sounds in my right lung, so she sent me to the hospital for xrays, sure enough the pain i am in was not only from my breat, i have pnuemonia, and she said its not good, so i have to go back friday to see her again and have to go monday too, and seeing my lung doctor tomorrow, tomorrow morning WTF i have had enough already..... went to boston with Jim to make sure he actaully went and make sure nothing has changed or got worse, good news there
his PSA was good he has to go back in 6 months :) mean while i am in so much pain i REALLY can't stand it, I have to have another xray in a week cause they are not sure that the pnuemonia is going to clear because of the mass in my lung, i have actaully forgot what it feels like to feel good, i am out of work now until further notice, i just wish i could breath and wish this pain would go away, am wondering if the killer machine did this (killer machine= cpap)
I am really tired and really sick of playinng this game, it does not seem like there is a end to it,
Jim said i look bad, and stacy said as long as she has known me she has never seem me look so bad, it is hard to tell anyone how i actually feel, Jim wanted to talk me to the hospital today instead of going his self but no i want to know he is ok, atleast for now, and now i know he is now i can take care of me, or atleast try to :( i feel so bad right now i would give anything just for this pain to stop!!!