August 28th 2008
Had a mamogram, then they wanted a ultra sound,
then doctor came in and said we need byposi's
i am not telling you at this point you have cancer but!
BUT??? what the hell does "but" mean???
4 days later had byopsi's
doctor called on the phone and said
diane you have breast cancer can you come in to my office
going to the office, didn't really hear a word she had to say,
after the word cancer,
all kinds of thoughts going through my head,
oh my god
feeling so lost, so alone,
all the thoughts of past family memebers that got that news
knowing then how they truely felt!!!
left the doctors office drove around in circles for a while
not really sure i wanted to tell anyone
knowing i had to
feeling numb, lost, and confused,
headed to Jim, he was doing bills on the computer
i told him, i could see how he felt about it in his actions
in his eyes, not feeling bad for myself but feeling bad for him,
would have done anything if i did not have to give him that news,
coming home and doing my afternoon run kinda dazed,
telling Jeremy that night seeing the fear and hurt in his eyes
seeing the tears building up,
oh it was killing me to have to tell these people that i love so much this news
telling Jen on the phone, hearing the phone go quiet,
my heart was breaking, no not for me,
not once did i cry for me,
my heart was breaking because of seeing the fear and hearing the fear
in everyones eyes and voice,
then telling Stan and hearing that silence again
and hearing him cry,
telling him stop that, i WILL be fine,
going through surgry was ok,
first radiation treatment, a big lump in my throat
thinking to myself, now i truely know how mom felt !!
man i hate that word!!!
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