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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

NIGHT BEFORE LUNG DOCTOR

Its 11:35 pm, june 30th
looks like its going to be a sleepless night,
thinking about lung doctor tomorrow not wanting to hear what he has to say,
hoping for the best, but fearing the worse,
not sure how i feel about it all at this point,
to much to fast,
Breast cancer, Heart problems,Lung problems
they say you are not giving more then you can handle
WELL
Have handled enough of this in my life time!!!
If it is true that what does not kill us only makes us stronger
then how the hell come i have gotten so weak!
not understanding where all this is leading
and not sure i want to know,
just know that saying is oh so true
LIVE EVERY DAY TO ITS FULLEST
cause you never know when it will be your last!!
pressure in chest is not good tonight
took meds but no relief
hmmmmmmmmmmm
what good are they anyway!!
not knowing what the doctor will say tomorrow
should not allow myself to worry about it
But some times that is easier said then done,
If bad news tomorrow not sure if or when i will tell anyone
this time as this is a bit more involved then breast cancer!
Not looking forward to more surgery
but
believe from what lung/allergist said Monday there will be,
at this point nothing would suprise me!
Its thundering outside now
i love thunder storms
Thank you Mickey :)
Still think daily bout getting in my car and just driving way
But
somethings you just can not leave behide,
am really sick of trying to hide how hard it really is to breath
threw my neb in the closet today i m done with that thing!
WOW
think i am actually having a pitty party tonight,
nah, am just pissed,
raining real hard now kinda sounds like it is going to come through the roof
hmmmmmmmmmm
this site helps give me a place to get all this off my mind,

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