It sunday, that means work tomorrow ewwwwww, but the good thing is it is going to be a short week, :) monday and tuesday only :) :) wednesday i will be doing a lot of my cooking, there will be 11 here for thanksgiving, Stan is coming i am excited about that :) he still remains calling me daily, and on weekends he calls me 3 to 4 times a day, yesterday he called 6 times, and this morning he started calling at 6 am hmmmmmmmmmm,
I still remain having problems with the pellet stove, Stan was lucky he fixed his and has not had anymore issues, but if he had not been home when it started acting up the house would had burnt down he said, he said he was scared, hmmmm,
Friday i have to go start round 3 of all the Bs with my boob, the doctor found 2 lumps this time, I knew about 1 of them,the one on the bottom next to were i had my first surgery, the other one is on the only part that has not been sliced or dised yet, it is alot more painful this time, strange but i am hoping that is a good thing, maybe it is just cyst, one can hope, if not it is going to be removed totally this time if i have to go to the butcher shop and find me a butcher :)
It is strange but i am very relaxed, calm mellow about all this now, strange what ya can actually make peice with,
well guess it is bed for me :)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sunday November 22 2009
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Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Tuesday Nov 10 2009 9:53 pm
WOW i feel like shit!!! but atleast now i know some of why i hurt so bad,
Posted by My place at 6:52 PM 0 comments
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Saturday Nov.7th 8:56 pm
Posted by My place at 5:56 PM 1 comments
Saturday, October 31, 2009
YOU JUST NEVER KNOW
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Friday, October 30, 2009
OCT 30, 2009 4:45 pm
Is this going to be the 3rd time for me?? I can't believe after all this time i am going to be facing my third time with all this BS, It is getting really hard to just grin and bare it any more, I have to wonder more and more, (WHAT THE HELL) what did i ever do to get all this BS dumped on me, why is all this happening again and again, one thing right after another, maybe it is just the way life is suppose to be, maybe i did something in a different time and place that deserves all this BS, well like the video said i guess i can try to find the good things about all this and maybe it is suppose to be, i just can't help wondering what all this is suppose to be telling me, maybe it is like the video said maybe this is the way i am suppose to get a new shape and i new body????
I feel like things in my life are getting further and further away, out of reach,
this person i see looking back at me is not really me, I feel like the real me is tucked away in like a egg shell and the real me just can not crack through that shell and get out, head aches more and more and getting worse and worse, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHY!! also hazzy cloudy zig zag dark lines that cloud my eyes more and more, confustion, daised feeling, and forgetfulness, "CRS"
worse then i have ever had it, all this getting so bad i do not even remember how to do what use to be real simple for me, fixing computers for instance,
all this is driving me a bit coo coo, i know i know some of you would say i have always been coo coo, all i have to say about that is BITE ME! :)
i feel alot like i am going deeper and deeper into my own little world, or maybe i should say a scarey place in a unknown world,
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Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sunday OCT 25,2009 11:16 am
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009
wednesday oct, 14, 921 pm
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Monday, October 12, 2009
HELL NO I WON'T GO!! monday oct 12,2009, 3:00pm
The doctor called and i told him that i still feel like crap, and about all the sweating and out of breath and pain, he wanted me to head to the ER, I told him NO i am done with that and all set there, not going back there, it does no good, he said he is worried and does not like what i am telling him, hmmmmmmm (he doesn't like it)? in all fairness this doctor is awesome and i am new to him, because the other doctor i had (in the same office) SUCKED did not listen to a thing, but anyway he thinks he doesn't like it?? if he does not like to hear it how does he or anyone else think i feel,
Posted by My place at 12:38 PM 0 comments
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sunday Oct 11, 2009 10 pm
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Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wednesday 23, 2009, 109 pm
Longing for the day when i actually feel human again, went to doctor yesterday cause was in so much pain, she took 100 cc's of fluid from my breast, but somehow she knew that was not causing all the pain i am in, she listened to my lungs and she said she can not hear any breath sounds in my right lung, so she sent me to the hospital for xrays, sure enough the pain i am in was not only from my breat, i have pnuemonia, and she said its not good, so i have to go back friday to see her again and have to go monday too, and seeing my lung doctor tomorrow, tomorrow morning WTF i have had enough already..... went to boston with Jim to make sure he actaully went and make sure nothing has changed or got worse, good news there
his PSA was good he has to go back in 6 months :) mean while i am in so much pain i REALLY can't stand it, I have to have another xray in a week cause they are not sure that the pnuemonia is going to clear because of the mass in my lung, i have actaully forgot what it feels like to feel good, i am out of work now until further notice, i just wish i could breath and wish this pain would go away, am wondering if the killer machine did this (killer machine= cpap)
I am really tired and really sick of playinng this game, it does not seem like there is a end to it,
Jim said i look bad, and stacy said as long as she has known me she has never seem me look so bad, it is hard to tell anyone how i actually feel, Jim wanted to talk me to the hospital today instead of going his self but no i want to know he is ok, atleast for now, and now i know he is now i can take care of me, or atleast try to :( i feel so bad right now i would give anything just for this pain to stop!!!
Posted by My place at 10:06 AM 0 comments
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Sunday Sept 20.2009
Its been a while since i have worte in here, Been not feeling well since friday, kinda feel like i have been hit by a car, my chest is hurting, and well my bad boob is bigger then my good boob hmmmmmmmm that can't be good! Have to see Dr friday, might have to go before then, going to have a pet scan, not sure if that is the right spelling but that is what it sounds like lol, it is a scan from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet and it picks up everything, or it is suppose to, even if it is just a swallen joint, i guess i will see, it is a 3 to 4 hour scan, now don't that sound like fun? Not! i have NO energy at all today i have been pushing myself and pushing myself to do things today, and that probably is not helping, oh well such is life,
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Friday, September 4, 2009
Friday, September 4,2009
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Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Wednesday 26 2009, 9:30 pm surgry tomorrow
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Saturday, August 22, 2009
August 21, byopsi results
Posted by My place at 7:27 PM 1 comments
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Round 2, wednesday 12, 2009 7:00 am
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Monday, August 10, 2009
TOMORROW
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Struggle monday august 10th 2009, 3:27 pm
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Thursday, August 6, 2009
Thursday August 6th, 10:38 am
Posted by My place at 7:37 AM 2 comments
Monday, August 3, 2009
Monday August 3, 2009 @ 8:55 pm
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Saturday, August 1, 2009
Just Because
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Life
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Friday, July 31, 2009
July 31, MRI and plastic surgeon today
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Thursday, July 30, 2009
July 30th 2009, 11:00 PM
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Friday, July 24, 2009
Waves of emotion
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Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Wednesday 22
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Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Appointments this week,
Posted by My place at 6:33 PM 1 comments
To my children, (Althought you are grown)
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Mom and Dad
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Saturday, July 18, 2009
WOW my mind is blown
The one person i did think i got whole bunch of BS really does get it, Jeremy just called to see if i was ok, he got rather deep on the phone, and he actually told me he loves me WOW, He is at work and called me on the phone we had a deep conversation, i guess maybe he is like me and something ya just keep inside,
I truely did not think he got this whole thing,, today i know he does get it and just how serious all this BS really is, WOW my mind really is blown,
It was like Stan on the phone yesterday someone who speaks few words, but every now and then he lets it all out lately, well twice now the phone has gone silent, yesterday was one of those times, then he opens up and says just what is on his mind, and yesterday he told me this is all bull shit, and totally unfair, i told him to stop it cause i will be ok, he calls me daily now, Stan was one thing, but jeremy? WOW i am still in shock, He does get it,
Jeremy only shows his feeling normally when something is really bugging him,
he is a deep person and keeps most things inside well (unless he is mad) LOL
the hurting feelings and the scarey feelings he usally barries, i catch him staring at me alot lately, i just look at him and smile, or give him a hug no need for words, i know the look, i have been there many times in my life, I am scared for him, because i know how he is, the last thing in the world i want to do is hurt the ones i love, in anyway, but somethings are totally out of people control!!
I know why Jeremy called, I think he had things to say that he could not say face to face, but he wanted to say them, he also looked in my folder this morning where i keep my appointments and reports, the report from my surgeon was on top (not where i put it) so after he read that i am sure all his feeling s that he has been keeping in went wild, he did say to me on the phone mom you have had alot of things in your life they said you would not make it out of the hospital from the meningist but you did, but mom this is different, this is scarey, he said you have had a lot of things in your life and always turned out ok, he said so noone really takes it to serious when you are sick, then he said but i seen that paper, then he made me cry he said mom please make it through this time, he said i know how serious this is now, that really shocked me,
I am going to make it through this too, it is just going to be a bit more difficult, but i will do it, :)
Posted by My place at 11:20 AM 1 comments
Friday, July 17, 2009
Breathing test, friday July 17th 9:00 am
I went to have a ashma breathing test today, I was there for 2 hours long test, and very rough on the chest! the test totally wore me out for the rest of the day not to even speak of the pain i was in for the rest of the day, They came to the conclustion that my shortness of breath is not from my ashma as my lungs fill and empty as they are suppose to, only they do not asorb the O2 and my O2 levels are real low, like 84 the machine they put you on does many many test and at one point it kinda breaths for you, only my lungs could not handle the air it was trying to push in, compaired to the test i had 4 years ago this one has gotten alot worse, and after using the neb machine there it does not help, the one doing the test faxed it right to my lung but being friday i did not think i would hear anything from him today, the one doing the test did put on the test that further test are suggested, IE: MRI, catscan, scope into lungs, now that sounds like fun, that sounds like so much fun, that personally i could do without!!
ON a lighter note Jim and I are going to see my chicy next month :)
i would like to run away and hide while i am there and not come back LOL,
i would love to find a island that no other people are on for the rest of the summer and just stay there,, hmmmmmmmmmm there is only of them at the marsh at the end of the road i think LOL
I will be going to see the lung doctor i believe it is next week, and ultra sound and MRI on the mass in my boob wednesday or thursday of next week,
Posted by My place at 7:14 PM 0 comments
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I just do not understand life anymore
Posted by My place at 7:24 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Does bad news always come in bucket loads for everyone or just me??
Posted by My place at 8:34 PM 1 comments
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Sunday July 12th 10:19 pm
Posted by My place at 7:19 PM 0 comments
Friday, July 3, 2009
Pain
Posted by My place at 5:16 PM 0 comments
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Loving You
Posted by My place at 5:29 PM 0 comments